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Bored??? Add your best Joke here!
About Truespace Archives
These pages are a copy of the official truespace forums prior to their removal somewhere around 2011.
They are retained here for archive purposes only.
Bored??? Add your best Joke here! // Roundtable
Post by prodigy // May 7, 2007, 4:03pm
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prodigy
Total Posts: 3029
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An 80 year old man went for his annual check-up and the Doctor said "Friend, for your age, you're in the best shape I've seen." The old fella replied, "Yep. It comes from clean living. I know for sure that I live a good, clean, spiritual life." The Doctor ask him, "What makes you say that?" The old man replied, "If I didn't live a good, clean life, the Lord wouldn't turn the bathroom lights on for me everytime I get up in the middle of the night." The Doc was concerned, "You mean, when you get up in the night to go to the bathroom, the Lord himself turns the light on for you?" "Yep," the old man said, "whenever I get up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for me." Well, the Doctor didn't say anything else, but when the old man's wife came in for her check-up, he felt he had to let her know what her husband said. "Your husband's in fine physical shape, but I'm worried about his mental condition. He told me that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him. " "He What?" She cried. "He said that every night when he gets up to go to the bathroom, the Lord turns the light on for him." "AHA!!" She exclaimed.......... "So he's the one who's been peeing in the fridge!" |
Post by prodigy // May 7, 2007, 4:10pm
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prodigy
Total Posts: 3029
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Another..
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back when you throw it? |
Post by prodigy // May 7, 2007, 4:14pm
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prodigy
Total Posts: 3029
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a stick... :D
Another!!
The scene: A Marine Basic Training Camp. One morning the Captain calls Sargent Black into his office and tells him "When you line up the troops this morning you need to inform Private Jones that his mother died." "Yes Sir!" says Black. That morning a s the men were lined up Black bellows out "Hup hey ho ho Jones your mother died." Jones falls over with a heart attack. A month later the Captain calls Black into his office and says, "Black you need to tell Private Smith his mother died--but this time us e some tact--I don't want to loose another good recruit. "Yes Sir!" Black answers. This time when the men are lined up Black yells out " OK--all you men with living mothers take one step forward----NOT SO FAST SMITH!" |
Post by dononeton // May 7, 2007, 4:18pm
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dononeton
Total Posts: 81
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They say if you put a half a viagra pill in the soil of a tomato plant it will grow better, but you better not put the whole pil there because the tomato plant will be hard :D :D :D |
Post by prodigy // May 7, 2007, 4:20pm
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prodigy
Total Posts: 3029
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I love your first Post dude!! :banana: Welcome aboard.!!! |
Post by dononeton // May 7, 2007, 4:20pm
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dononeton
Total Posts: 81
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I liked that last one |
Post by dononeton // May 7, 2007, 4:23pm
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dononeton
Total Posts: 81
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I have been using GameSpace for a while now. Then I got an email to upgrade to TrueSpace 7.5 I just had to jump on it |
Post by dononeton // May 7, 2007, 4:31pm
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dononeton
Total Posts: 81
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Heres another. One day a new soilder join the army.The Luitentent came in and gave the soilder a pair of hair clippers. The next day they shaved his head. Then he gave him a toothbrush. The next day he was sent to the dentist and the dentist pulled out some teeth. On the thrid day the Luitentent gave him a jock-strap. Every since that day the army has been looking for that soilder. :jumpy: |
Post by Délé // May 7, 2007, 4:51pm
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Délé
Total Posts: 1374
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Alright, this one is really bad but for some reason I like it.
How to trap a bear:
First if you didn't already know, bears LOVE to eat peas. So you have to go buy a can of peas. Then go out into the woods and dig a deep hole, big enough for the bear. Next, burn a bunch of paper and fill the hole with the ashes. Pour the can of peas all the way around the edge of the hole. Then hide behind a tree.
When the bear comes to take a pea, kick him in the ash-hole. :p |
Post by prodigy // May 7, 2007, 4:53pm
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prodigy
Total Posts: 3029
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ROFLMAO!!! thats a good one...:D |
Post by Leif // May 7, 2007, 4:55pm
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Leif
Total Posts: 276
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Kiss the frog!
If the frog turns into a prince quickly, we call it a Fairy Tale.
If the frog turns into a prince slowly, we put it in a book and call it modern science...
No :) I am not bored and never will be :jumpy: |
Post by prodigy // May 7, 2007, 5:03pm
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prodigy
Total Posts: 3029
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I have another.. i will try to make a good translation.
We called Bad humor..
Whats the hardest part of a vegetable???
*im gonna wait few answers.. |
Post by dononeton // May 7, 2007, 5:04pm
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dononeton
Total Posts: 81
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There was man who was told by a doctor that he had 24 hours to live, so he went home and made love to his wife for hours, and hours and hours and the man turn to his wife and said " Lets go again" the wife replied "Some of us have to wake up in the morning!" |
Post by prodigy // May 7, 2007, 5:06pm
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prodigy
Total Posts: 3029
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Ok.. the answer is..... the Wheelchair.. BOOOOO!!!! :D i love that joke!! |
Post by dononeton // May 7, 2007, 5:12pm
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dononeton
Total Posts: 81
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The hardest part of a veggie.....?
While I think about that heres a crude joke
There was a baby who was born without eyelids, so the doctor decided to take some skin from his private area.The baby is ok but a little cocked-eyed |
Post by dononeton // May 7, 2007, 5:14pm
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dononeton
Total Posts: 81
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Good one prodigy |
Post by prodigy // May 7, 2007, 5:22pm
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prodigy
Total Posts: 3029
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Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
Thats is not a joke.. its real life! |
Post by 2much4U // May 7, 2007, 5:30pm
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2much4U
Total Posts: 430
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Here's one:
There's 2 guys digging in a hole. They're both both employed by a man who is keeping watch from ground level. The first guy stops working, and asks the second guy in a questioning manner:
"Why is it that we're down here...and he's up there?"
The second guy shrugs and continues to dig. The first guy then climbs out and walks over to his boss. Again he asks, "Why is it that we're down there...and your up here?" His employer then looks at him and answers, "Intelligence." The response in turn ends up being, "What's intelligence?"
So the boss takes a shovel and walks over to a tree. He puts his hand in front of it and explains to the first guy, "I want you to take this and swing it at my hand as fast as you can." The first guy does, and the employer takes his hand away just before it smacks into the tree."That's intelligence," he says.
Now, the first guy goes back down to the hole and exclaims to the second guy, "I know why we're down here and he's up there!" "why?" comes the response. "Intelligence!" says the first guy. The second guy then asks the first guy "What's intelligence?" As soon as he hears this question, the first guy takes a shovel, looks around, and sees that there isn't a tree because he's in a hole, so he places his hand in front of his face...
You get it?:D |
Post by prodigy // May 7, 2007, 5:35pm
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prodigy
Total Posts: 3029
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I know this is a multi cultural site.. but i think this is funny..
5793 |
Post by dononeton // May 7, 2007, 5:41pm
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dononeton
Total Posts: 81
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Deleting now. Dang Viruses :D get me every time |
Post by prodigy // May 7, 2007, 5:58pm
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prodigy
Total Posts: 3029
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Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
Q: How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.
:D and the last ones! a nice selection of the best (IMO) short jokes..
Hard work never killed anyone, but why chance it?
Lord, if I can't be skinny, please let all my friends be fat.
Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig.
Sometimes too much to drink isn't enough.
I want patience... AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
I bet you I could stop gambling
For sale: parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
Clones are people two
There's no future in time travel.
If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
Seeya! |
Post by 3dvisuals dude // May 7, 2007, 7:03pm
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3dvisuals dude
Total Posts: 1703
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Who's working anyway?
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this, there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden.
Which leaves 12.2 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 10.8 million people who work for state and city governments.
And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.
At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.
Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons.
That leaves just two people to do the work.
You and me.
And there you are, sitting on your butt, at your computer, reading jokes.
Nice. Real nice...
-3dvisuals dude |
Post by W!ZARD // May 7, 2007, 9:13pm
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W!ZARD
Total Posts: 2603
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Firstly, I never get bored - I haven't been bored since I was a kid at school. I have a brain and it always keeps me entertained! As my dear mother always said, only boring people get bored.
Secondly, these two fonts walk into this bar and the barman says "Oi, clear off - we don't want your type in here!"
Here's a collection of one liners of varying humour value - enjoy.
1. My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn't.
2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
4. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.
10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
11. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
12. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
13. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
14. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
15. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
16. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
17. Procrastinate Now!
18. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries with That?
19. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
20. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
21. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
22.They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
23.He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
24.A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. |
Post by jayr // May 7, 2007, 11:20pm
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jayr
Total Posts: 1074
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LOL... lots of classics in there Wizard, i'm getting the procrastinate now! one printed up later... no tomorrow... or thursday.... |
Post by prodigy // Nov 14, 2007, 11:44am
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prodigy
Total Posts: 3029
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Ok.. i think we need something of humor :)
------
Lawyer Jokes
Q: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
A: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
Q: I understand you're Donald Rowbotham's mother.
A: Yes.
Q: How long have you known him?
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Customer: 'I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get through to enquiries, can you help?'. Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
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Teacher: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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And the last one:
If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine. :D |
Post by jayr // Nov 14, 2007, 1:34pm
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jayr
Total Posts: 1074
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Why did the pie cross the road?
'cause he was meat & potato (say it out loud) |
Post by camelot // Nov 14, 2007, 2:40pm
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camelot
Total Posts: 68
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k,
here's one from a Brit biker:
Q: who was the first person to ride a motorbike??
A: Moses, because the Bible says the roar of his Triumph was heard throughout the land
Brian |
Post by blakeo // Nov 15, 2007, 4:06am
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blakeo
Total Posts: 214
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Here's one.
A man arrives at a fancy-dress party dressed only in his underwear.
A friend asks "What have you come as?"
"A premature ejaculation" he replies.
"How's that then?" the friend says.
"I've just come in my pants!"
B |
Post by rjeff // Nov 15, 2007, 4:35am
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rjeff
Total Posts: 1260
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warning blonde joke!!
Why did God give blondes more brains than horses...so they would not poop on the road at parades. |
Post by rjeff // Nov 15, 2007, 4:38am
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rjeff
Total Posts: 1260
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Three men walk in to a bar..the fourth one ducks....
blind guy walks in to a bar..sits there and then starts to swing his dog around in circles..the bar tender ask."what are you doing?" He says "oh just looking around". |
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